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Which was the first Elder Scrolls game you played?

Friday, 28 October 2011

Can I haz child?

Is it human nature to wish for a future, where you come home to a warm cozy house, a loving wife or husband, and of course your offspring, eagerly awaiting your arrival with a hug at the ready? It sounds nice to you, doesn't it? - Nah, I know what you're thinking: It sounds like fucking hell, or Desperate Housewives without the 90210 elements which keeps it going, but in spite of that, there are tons of people out there screaming for answers! Can we have children in Skyrim?!

Why you would want to spawn a money-draining, time consuming piece of offspring is beyond me, but I guess it is not my place to judge and I may not be the proper guy to do that either, given my reaction to Fable 3's relationship system which went a little like this:

- You can bang? ----> I wanna try that!
- You can get married? ----> Let's see what that entails!
- I got married ----> Fail!
- Now what ---> More sex!
- Wife is pregnant ---> FUCK!
- Child grows up ---> To be annoying
- Wife has divorced me and left with child ---> I guess the game ain't that bad after all

But that aside, we had a question to be answered! As far as I've gathered, Bethesda has released no answer to this question, and I've been watching carefully (Until security found me and threw me out of their building,) but let us just take a minute to think about it people, please!

How long does it take for women to process a child (Yes, I call it that) - Approximately 9 months (right?)
Then there is a baby! Then baby grows up - Years goes on! This also means that all the other children grow up and become adults and that the young people grow older and eventually die. Does this sound like an Elder Scrolls game? No! Time doesn't actually pass in Skyrim! The world is static in that way! Beth just can't do that, which is why I suggest that we all drop the subject and go home.

As a few comforting words for the people that I've just upset: If we could have had children, I would've named mine: Snotlocker. What would you have named yours?


  1. WHy would I want one?
    oh well.. if it happened by mistake I would call it: The offspring of Mike.

    - Guess who!

  2. Me neither.. but id call it "Sleep Deprivation" im sure if you could have children in Skyrim ^ would be the most common cause of death, other than mudcrabs OBVIOUSLY!(if you didnt get the "^" i meant Sleep Deprivation) I think i just found a new emoticon! "^" '^'? Anyways the wait for skyrim is killing me. Thank F**king god im home schooled.


  3. I'd call mine DragonBait. But, that's just me. And I am actually glad we can't have children.

    - Jace

  4. Dragonbait! That would be amazing! Son, welcome to skyrim's civil war, Son! Son! Son! Get out of Alduin's Mouth!!!

  5. Hahah what? XD I'd like the idea of kids in game.

    In most RPGs like these now and days, it's about immersing yourself into a big and open world doing anything you want. If I want my character living it's life in the game, I'll make him do anything I want. Like make babiez and leave em home to the wife in the kitchen while I hunt.

    I shouldn't be supressed by trying out new game feature oppertunities. That's what I liked about Fable 2. (Well... mostly anyways...)

  6. i would name Mine Dovahkiin Jr. Devourer Of Bagels

  7. Everyone here (inculding me) would want a child in game world, since they can't have in real, or have but it's such a bugger (!)
    They will say "noooo, what the hell...?" but in fact, they will be more pleased with gameplay, and game itslef would gain more at rankings.
    Well but its weird. In one way though.
    They did do homosexual marriages, but did not make give us chance to have childrens igw. Of ocurse if they did, more or less, players would want more. If Beth would go further in this, and make some peoples die when they old, and allow childrens that you've seen at the begging to grow, what would it looked like? Making just all of those actors was a pain, and now a new ones?! I think that the technology for this is not yet available (since computer would need to calculate childrens appearence according to parrents, make new quest for grown childrens, assign them to some guilds [companions, legionists, thiefs, assasins, etc.], make storylines for them, cuz otherwise, it woudnt be worth doing), and i think we will wait for this kind of thing for a long time. Its still RPG! not the Sims!
    and btw: even if those childrens wont grow, eventually someone will make children mod.
    If it would be boy i would name him Choke, and if itd be girl id name her Bee.

  8. Actually, I heard a rumor that you can adopt children from the orphanage in Riften.
    That solves the time problem, considering they're ready-made children. It also means that they don't have to look like you or your wife.
    I think you have to kill the old hag that runs the place first though.
    I'd name a boy
    Julius of Whiterun
    And the girl would be
    Julia of Whiterun.
    Julius/Julia sounds imperial.

  9. I'm just sad you can't marry a khajit. I like the cat-people, it's disheartening that it seems like they aren't around as much in the game overall. But if I could have a kid, I'd adopt it from the Riften orphanage. At least that one girl who keeps asking you to do so even though you never can. Making children would get complicated. Especially with the whole homosexual marriages as well as interracial. Like a Khajit and Argonian, what the hell would that look like? I can see it glitching out on making children overall. So I understand why they avoided that, but I think adoption still should have been an option. Ah well though.

  10. lol. i want a child, but i think i can adopt from the riften orphanage. lol. if it was a boy, Alexander or darius.
    for a girl, Astrid. in memory of my great leader... may she find peace in the void...

  11. lol if the child was a boy id name it Smelly, and if it was a girl id name it...... exspensive O_o

    1. A wise choice for your girl's name. Definitely funny, that's for sure.

    2. duh what am imagination

  12. I think it would be kinda cool to have kids. I mean, it is a role playing game right? I would name my kid Shadowvier

  13. as soon as i got married in skyrim, i left to go cause some mayhem and steal some stuff from houses in whiterun. when i came back home there was some black guy in my house with my wife! wtf lol. but i killed him then guards started coming in my house and i had to kill about 5 of them before they finally stopped coming to attack me in my house. i kept wondering why they were trying to arrest me for killing a black guy i found alone with my wife XD

  14. kids? why in the world would you want kids?!
    they pull your hair,and make you crazy.
    Yeah, kids are pretty awesome.

  15. I would want kids!! I would name my boy Waste-of-Money and when i would get tired of him I would slice him with my greatsword, he would run away, i would lose custidy, go to jail and break out!! That simple XD